Back in the saddle again…

“It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are.” – e.e. cummings

As I return myself to the blog-o-sphere, this quote has been very much on my mind.  I feel like I have had some courage over the last few years.  I feel like I am truly growing up.  But it’s a process.   Which is why I am back to blogging.  I feel like I need a place to share my growing up process…and progress.  A place to talk about my family, my life, my hopes and fears.

So how have I grown over the last few years?

I’ve finally stopped getting myself into toxic relationships that will never go anywhere.  In fact, I got married!! I opened myself up to a guy I’ve known for years and fell in love.  I am still scared every day that he is going to realize I’m not as much as he gives me credit for but I am grateful for every second we have together…even the ones where we are arguing and I want to strangle him!

I am finally making strides to have the career and the life that I want.  I am in my third semester of nursing school.  Much like my marriage, I still face fear every day.  I’m never sure of my skills or my abilities.  Hell, I’m never sure, day to day, if I am going to pass my tests or be able to provide care to my patients.  Here’s hoping that that confidence will come in time.

I am trying every single day to be a better mother to my wonderful son.  I fear that I am not and never will be, but I no longer feel that God made a mistake by giving me this life to take care of and mold.  In fact, hubby and I are trying for another.

So I’ve shown courage, but still have fears.  I am growing, but still have a ways to go.  But I know that I have to face my fears or they will take over my life.  So here’s to the first step!

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” –Nelson Mandela

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