Archive for May, 2013

Breathe in, breathe out

“I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.” — Margaret Thatcher

Returned to my midwives’ office today.  And for the first time in three appointments, I didn’t come home and curl up in a ball in bed and cry.  It was kind of a good feeling.  Still no baby, but much better news.

She told me why we are delaying induction until 39 weeks.  Apparently, the March of Dimes has made it quite difficult to induce before then, for any reason.  For an early induction, they would have to go in front of a board at the hospital to prove necessity.  So we have to wait and see if I go on my own before then.  But she said there is no way I will go past my due date.  I probably won’t even go much past 39 weeks.  So that was a huge relief. 

I also had a non-stress test.  Which was actually super stressful.  The machine was just not picking up his heartbeat consistently enough to read the accelerations that were supposed to be there.  I ended up very concerned because she mentioned that we needed three accels in 20 minutes to show that there were no cardio or neuro problems with the baby.  Coming home and doing some research on my own, I discovered that a nonreactive stress test doesn’t necessarily mean that anything is wrong.  It could be that the baby is sleeping or just not being very active.  No big deal.  Did find out that he is lying posterior and facing up which explains why my lower back has been hurting so bad.  Might lead to back labor but bring on the epidural for that!

I get to redo my lab work for preeclampsia AGAIN.  Another 24 hour urine collection (which if you have never done, I highly recommend avoiding because it is a pain in the ass) and more blood work.  Hopefully for the last time this pregnancy.

She also recommended that on Friday (37 weeks!  Full term!) I start taking evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea to start trying to jump start.  Which I am so ready to do. 

I feel better with the stuff that went down today.  Finally feeling like I am getting somewhere.  and I am so ready.  I want my Baby Boy to be here!!!

24 days to go!

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” — Aristotle


Still here…

No fun/inspirational quotes today.  Simply because I am not feeling fun or inspirational.

Had an appointment with the midwife yesterday.  And then came home and spent most of the afternoon/evening crying.  I remain on bed rest.  She also informed me that, since I am expecting a boy, there’s no way an induction will be done before at least 39 weeks, unless something goes wrong.  I am 36 weeks today.

I’ve been on bed rest since May 7th.  Two and a half weeks doesn’t sound like much, until you spend 90% of it in bed.  And add in that you are going to spend three to four more in the same spot.  I’ve been trying really hard to keep my spirits up but it is so hard.  Knowing how much is not getting done in the house, how difficult it is on the Hubs and D-man.  Plus considering the upcoming move and having no idea when it is going to take place or how I’m going to get everything done for it.  Knowing that the Hubs and I will be spending our first wedding anniversary sitting in bed watching crappy tv.  I just feel like I am failing my family. 

My husband has been 110% amazing through all of this.  He’s cooking, cleaning, taking care of the dog and the kid, not to mention me, plus working.  And hasn’t complained a bit.  But I can tell he is getting overwhelmed and stressed out.  I just wish there was something I could do to make it better.  Anything I could do to make his life easier right now.  Instead, I complain about stuff that is not getting done and make him feel worse.  I don’t know what I’d do without him and I don’t know why he puts up with me.

I’m just trying really hard to find ways to keep my sanity through the next few weeks.  This weekend is going to be hard, with Memorial Day.  The guys will be heading out for some outdoors and family time while I stay here all alone.  I’m being very good about the situation because I don’t want them to feel guilty about going.  Truth is, I’ve been crying about it, off and on, all day.  But as long as I don’t let them see that, I’ve done my job.

Counting down to my due date, we are down to 28 days to go!  Here’s hoping we don’t make it to day zero.  I want my baby here!!!

Could it be??

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.  ~Phyllis Diller

Woke up a lot last night with cramping and contractions.  Terrified that my water was going to break.  As much as I am ready for this little guy to show his face, I can’t today.  D-man has his first ever play tonight (he’s the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz at school) and I cannot miss it.  I grew up with my parents missing a lot, not showing up or not letting me participate, and I refuse to do that to my child.  I know he will understand, because that is just the kind of kid he is, but I won’t.

So I had quite a few conversations with Baby Boy and with God last night and this morning.  Begging for a delay, just until nine or so tonight.  After the play is over, he can come any time.  I’ve still been contracting and cramping this morning.  Nothing regular or really timeable.  My midwife is not supposed to check me for dilation until 37 weeks, but if these cramps continue, I’m going to push for her to do it tomorrow at my appointment. 

As hopeful as I am that this is prelabor going on, I am terrified.  I was barely 20 with my first.  I had no idea what I was doing.  And I’m still not sure I know what I’m doing.  I’m not sure if any mom ever does.  I hope not.  Cause if they do, I’m screwed.

The only time a women wishes she was a year older is when she’s expecting a baby.  ~Mary Marsh

Another day

“If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.” – Nora Ephron

Back on bed rest after releasing myself for the weekend.  Blood pressure stayed down, even running a couple of errands and chilling in my mom’s pool for a couple of hours.  Got a little dizzy by the end of last night, as well as really tired.  Hubs and I agreed I just need to not push it quite so hard on the weekends.  And I’m still resting during the week.  I was just losing my mind and had to get out.

Still don’t feel like I’m going to go into labor.  I was feeling pretty sick last night, which made me hopeful.  I’ve read online several different places that it can be a sign of impending labor.  If that is the case, it’s not happening yet. 

Baby Boy has been very quiet today.  Not a ton of movement (probably because he’s running out of room!).  He did get the hiccups which was only the second time this pregnancy that I’ve been aware of that happening.  Such a fun/weird feeling! I have to admit, as much as it worries me when he is still, the reprieve is kind of nice.  He was so active yesterday morning, I was coming off the bed from the pain.  The kid is strong.  And has decided that under my rib cage is a great place to kick.  So the lack of hard, painful kicks today has been a relief.  But I do hope tomorrow he is back to his bouncy self. 

“Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.” – Rita Rudner

Bed rest blows

“Of course I can do this. I’m pregnant, not brain-damaged. My condition doesn’t change my personality.” ― Christine Feehan, Ruthless Game

I am constantly reminding myself of this fact.  My pregnancy is officially at 35 weeks today.  For at least 25 weeks, I’ve been treated like I was broken.  I was adjusting to the fact.  My husband was just trying hard to take care of me and make my life easier.  Then, almost 2 weeks ago, my midwife said the words I had been dreading since my blood pressure started its slow climb: bed rest.

I managed to avoid this with my first pregnancy.  Complications were not even on my radar as I completed the easiest pregnancy ever.  This pregnancy has been rough from day one.  Morning sickness, food aversions, pelvic pain, Braxton Hicks that started at 16 weeks and haven’t stopped yet, and now the blood pressure.  So I am on bed rest.  Not the “take it easy” kind of bed rest.  More the “only get up to pee and shower” kind.  Which is miserable.  My back aches, I’m bored out of my mind, and TLC keeps showing episodes of “A Baby Story” multiple times a day.  And it’s looking like it will be another 4 weeks before they induce me.  Which is even more miserable.

I think the hardest part of this is the loneliness.  Not only are none of my friends coming to visit (or calling, or texting), neither is the majority of the family.  I haven’t even heard from my only biological sister.  It’s really hard when Hubby and Son #1 (who really needs a better blog name) are sitting on the bed with me and I can tell they would rather be somewhere else, anywhere else.  They are being here for me, but it kinda makes me hate myself for making them do it. 

I can feel the depression setting in.  Stronger than I’ve felt it in at least 10 years.  I desperately want to enjoy my pregnancy but it just doesn’t seem to be happening.  I can see the stuff that needs to be done piling up around my house and I am unable to do it.  I have the house to pack, a few more things to get for Baby Boy, cleaning galore that needs to get done.  And I’m stuck.  Hoping that planning for the move and mentally organizing the new house will alleviate some of this.  Plus dragging myself back into blogging.  I need an outlet and none of my friends are willing to provide it so maybe the interwebz will.  We shall see.

“Pregnancy seems designed to prepare you for life as a mother. You start making sacrifices nine months before the child is born, so by the time they put in an appearance you are used to giving things up for them.” ― Brett Kiellerop, My Big Fat Gay Life