Bed rest blows

“Of course I can do this. I’m pregnant, not brain-damaged. My condition doesn’t change my personality.” ― Christine Feehan, Ruthless Game

I am constantly reminding myself of this fact.  My pregnancy is officially at 35 weeks today.  For at least 25 weeks, I’ve been treated like I was broken.  I was adjusting to the fact.  My husband was just trying hard to take care of me and make my life easier.  Then, almost 2 weeks ago, my midwife said the words I had been dreading since my blood pressure started its slow climb: bed rest.

I managed to avoid this with my first pregnancy.  Complications were not even on my radar as I completed the easiest pregnancy ever.  This pregnancy has been rough from day one.  Morning sickness, food aversions, pelvic pain, Braxton Hicks that started at 16 weeks and haven’t stopped yet, and now the blood pressure.  So I am on bed rest.  Not the “take it easy” kind of bed rest.  More the “only get up to pee and shower” kind.  Which is miserable.  My back aches, I’m bored out of my mind, and TLC keeps showing episodes of “A Baby Story” multiple times a day.  And it’s looking like it will be another 4 weeks before they induce me.  Which is even more miserable.

I think the hardest part of this is the loneliness.  Not only are none of my friends coming to visit (or calling, or texting), neither is the majority of the family.  I haven’t even heard from my only biological sister.  It’s really hard when Hubby and Son #1 (who really needs a better blog name) are sitting on the bed with me and I can tell they would rather be somewhere else, anywhere else.  They are being here for me, but it kinda makes me hate myself for making them do it. 

I can feel the depression setting in.  Stronger than I’ve felt it in at least 10 years.  I desperately want to enjoy my pregnancy but it just doesn’t seem to be happening.  I can see the stuff that needs to be done piling up around my house and I am unable to do it.  I have the house to pack, a few more things to get for Baby Boy, cleaning galore that needs to get done.  And I’m stuck.  Hoping that planning for the move and mentally organizing the new house will alleviate some of this.  Plus dragging myself back into blogging.  I need an outlet and none of my friends are willing to provide it so maybe the interwebz will.  We shall see.

“Pregnancy seems designed to prepare you for life as a mother. You start making sacrifices nine months before the child is born, so by the time they put in an appearance you are used to giving things up for them.” ― Brett Kiellerop, My Big Fat Gay Life

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